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[Joseph]

Yeah, okaky – So I’ve been playing harmonica for awhile and realized I’ve never actually heard any harmonica player jokes.  While surfing the web, I came across this page from JT30 that had a few.  Check them out.

http://www.jt30.com/jt30page/oldsite/jokes.html

Yeah, some were fine, if not corny – But thinking on it, I went to sleep and when I woke up Poof! there one was!  Harmonica joke, that is!  

I wrote it down, then telling others, they said…uh, well, I’ll let you decide for yourself.
 
Thing is, I haven’t been able to top myself after this particular guffaw – But if you have or know any harp player jokes or funny stories – Please feel free to share them here.

Keep on harpin’!

Thanks for reading!

Here goes:

Whether people know it or not, the William Morris Agency is the largest talent agency in the world.  So a guy goes to the William Morris Agency looking for a job.

Just so happens that day, the agent/manager is having a bad day himself.

As the guy goes in, he sees a line of people waiting in the hallway.

Everyone hears from the door across the hall, “Get Out! Next!!”

The jugglers go in.  Manager shouts: “Get Out! Next…!”

The clowns go in.  Manager shouts: “Get Out! Next….!”

The tap dancers go in.  “Get Out! Next…!”

It’s the guy’s turn now.  He walks in and manager says: “Okay, what do you do?”

Guy smiles and says: “Well, I’m a ventriloquist.”

Manger says: “Get Out! Next…!”

“But wait!  Hold on!” the guy says, “My act is different!”

“How so?”

“Well, my dummy plays the harmonica while I drink beer.”

“Yeah, right!  G’wan, blow it out your ass!”

Guy says, “Oh, so you’ve seen my act?!”

Manager stunned says, “Huh?  What?  I haven’t seen anything yet.  G’wan then, show me what you got, show me your act.”

Sure enough, the guy pulls out a dummy, sets it on a chair.  Pulls out a little harmonica and sets it up on the dummy.  He then pulls out an even bigger harmonica, and sticks it down his shorts and pop! right up into his butt cheeks!

For the next ten minutes, the dummy is seen playing the harmonica; the guy is drinking his beer; and the most beautiful music ever between God & Man is heard.

After ten minutes, the manager is in tears.  He says “Buddy, that’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  You’re hired!”

At that, the dummy pops up his head and in his squeaky voice says “Hey, if you’re going to hire this guy, I quit!”

Manager stunned says “What?  You guys are terrific!  You’ll make a mint out there!”

Dummy pops up his head again and says “Yeah, well, you’re not the one who has to clean out His harmonica afterwards!”


©JAP/2010

[JP Allen]

How about this one.

What do you call a harmonica player with a beeper?

Answer: Optimistic


jp

[Joseph]

With a beeper?  Really?!

Then definitely have to say "Old!" too!!

 

[JP Allen]

I found the set up of the joke funnier than the punch line. But I liked it.

Anyway...I don't think you asked for a critique and as Theodore Roosevelt says, "It's not the critic who counts". See below if you're curious.


It's not the critic that counts
Press On - No matter what they say to you

"It's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or when the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat". Theodore Roosevelt


jp

[Joseph]

Hey Man!

I like that TR quote.  Pretty cool!  Wish I'd've found that long before some 'critiquers' got into me.  Seems that only experience, wisdom, integrity, determination, oh and tons of persistence helps to thicken up the skin while keeping this heart light and young too!!

BTW I thought your joke was funny also.  Meant no offense in 'updating' it a little bit!

So keeping 'em coming if you got 'em!!

Smiles & Cheers! 



 

[McManus]

JP, I hung that saying on the wall of both my kids when they were growing up. 

[mikepipe]

Thats pretty funny.   Google Le Petomane,Joesph Pojol an entertainer in France just  before WW1.  His whole act was based on farts and he played a penny whistle through a tube in his rectum.

[Joseph]

Wonder what he did for an encore - But I'd be afraid to ask!    

See ya! 

[mikepipe]

A harmonica player was playing on the street corner. 
when he was done a young boy came up to him and gave him a dollar and said,'Here,my dad said you are the poorest harmonica player he ever heard.'

Modified from a page of bagpipe jokes.

What do you throw to a drowning piper?
 His pipes.

[Joseph]

A harmonica player was playing on the street corner. 
when he was done a young boy came up to him and gave him a dollar and said,'Here,my dad said you are the poorest harmonica player he ever heard.'

Guess you had to be there, eh?   

Street Player Dude Out!   

[jemmyliaw]

Sorry this is out of topic....

Well, I should take this time to introduce the band. There are five of us in the band.

Chun is our drummer and he also hold the position of being the Big Cheese of the merry band of misfits. He's role is to organize our "next big cheese" on stage and plans our next practice routines. He's a nice guy and a good drummer.

His motto, "hit the beat, beat the beat is the sound of a good heart beat"

Next is, Michelle our key board specialist and the Cream Cheese of the group. she's an ice queen by nature (cool and mature kind of person) but despite of that she's still a normal girl that can't handle spooky stories and slimy things  (Chun likes to tease her like that and well, ends up getting burned big time)

Her motto, "Rhythm is when the soul dances, melody is when the heart sings, and harmony is the peace of mind that when puts together becomes a perfect song"

Next is Sarah (a Chinese girl) our left handed guitarist, I could say that she is the reincarnation of Jimmy Hendrix (her playing style is very similar,) She also has a very cute voice and also plays an important role of being our band's vocalist. She's ultimately the most popular girl in school too with a hit rate 100 rejections per day! She's also the band's Swizz Cheese. She loves bugs and sometimes freaks poor Michelle out unintentionally (sometimes). 

Next is Lisa, our bass guitarist and also our "sister cheese" being the eldest in the band. she takes good care of us like a mother, very talented in cooking and a natural air head... She makes us tea, cakes and pastries every time we had practice.

Last but not least, yours truly, Jim (that's me), I'm a guitarist and "soon-to-be" harmonica player. I am also a back up vocalist. I'm the little brother of the band.


Now the joke...

1) Every time we practice, we did nothing at all except drinking tea and eating pastries!

2) The whole cheese thing was actually given by our sempei (senior) the previous leader, because of
    a very "cheesy" stage performance. The joke was someone actually smells like cheese.

3) Nothing but bone chilling screams and chaos of poor Michelle after encounter the Blob thingy that
    Chun brought from a local everyday sundry store... then gets burned. Repeat process... 10x

  

[Joseph]

Mwuahahahaha!

With the ratio of 3 hot femmes to 2 band dudes - I'd be doing no 'practice' either!

Mwuahahahahaha!!

Cool story, Jim!!

Laters....

[jemmyliaw]

I like everyone in the band! I love our practice routine too (a part from sipping tea and slacking off).

Michelle writes all our songs though (she wants to be a song writer when she graduates) and they are pretty good,.... but the problem is... she also comes up with a weird title for them too...

For example... "My Love is Like Mesh-mellow (marshmallow), "Erase my pain and sorrow with a rubber eraser", "pencil tip rock" and the latest is called "Doki Doki pencil case rush" (BTW "doki doki" is a Japanese onomatopoeic (what a mouth full) word for heart beat, like "Nya~" for cats and "Wan Wan" for dogs and cute little puppies.)

Note: this is also why we slack of during practice... typically for a week... the day of the performance we practice the last minute. (heheh... just like sitting for exams) But it turned out Ok.... I think... I hope... *sigh*

[Joseph]

Michelle sounds like my kind of girl there, Jim!   

She single?!   

Bet her and I can come up with all sorts of titles for songs.  Like this one that just popped into my head:

"If I can't even afford to pay attention, how then can I pay the piper too?!"   

Yeah, we'd have fun!   

[Joe]

Note: this is also why we slack of during practice... typically for a week... the day of the performance we practice the last minute. (heheh... just like sitting for exams) But it turned out Ok.... I think... I hope... *sigh*

Hi Jemmy,

was just wondering do you video tape your performances and put them up on youtube.
Would like to hear them songs you mentioned.

Especially this one, "Erase my pain and sorrow with a rubber eraser"

Thats an interesting title for sure very original

Harp On!!

SPD:
I'm writing a song I don't have the title quite finished yet but it starts off like this:

'IF TODAY IS TOMMOROWS YESTERDAY'....

Thats better I had it backwards.

And that's my lame attempt to be funny

[Joseph]

yo, joe...

if needing any real help with that..you know where the locker room's at...

laters...

[Joe]

yo, joe...
if needing any real help with that..you know where the locker room's at...
laters...

Actually if you could just right me the musical score for it and the lyrics,
That sure would help out a lot

Harp On!!

[Joseph]

Hmm okay try this:

IF TODAY IS TOMMOROW'S YESTERDAY...THEN OUR FUTURE CAN'T BE FAR BEHIND!

[McManus]

TERRIFIC!  I see a John Lennon type tune coming.

[Joe]

OK why not,

Lennon/McCartney wrote it, but I thing it was more Paul.

But in honor of John Lennon's Birthday, here it is (1 day late.) I think

http://www.box.net/shared/muz5nsy75h

Harp On!!!

[jemmyliaw]

Note: this is also why we slack of during practice... typically for a week... the day of the performance we practice the last minute. (heheh... just like sitting for exams) But it turned out Ok.... I think... I hope... *sigh*

Hi Jemmy,

was just wondering do you video tape your performances and put them up on youtube.
Would like to hear them songs you mentioned.

Especially this one, "Erase my pain and sorrow with a rubber eraser"

Thats an interesting title for sure very original

Harp On!!

SPD:
I'm writing a song I don't have the title quite finished yet but it starts off like this:

'IF TODAY IS TOMMOROWS YESTERDAY'....

Thats better I had it backwards.

And that's my lame attempt to be funny

Sorry... Joe, We didn't record that performance and we performed that about a year ago during the school festival. Well there is a very very VERY good reason why we didn't record it.

That year... well... we were cross dressing (male members only) and we were FORCED to put on make up... (we lost our dignity and innocence that year). How it happened? It is too embarrassing mention and the Big cheese had made it a taboo to say a word about it.

Otherwise, that person will have to re live our terrible terrible experiences...

[thebugleboy]

OK, we'll apply some trumpet jokes to the harp.
Q) How do you get a harp player off your porch?
A) Pay for the pizza and give a good tip (like "get off my porch)

"Mama, I want to gro up and be a harmonica player."
"Son, now you know you can't do both."

Q) How many harp players does it take to change a light bulb?
A) Every one present.  One to hold and turn the bulb and all the rest to tell him how he could have done it better.

Q) What is the difference in harmonica players and investments?
A) Investments will hopefully mature and start earning money.

Q) How many harpers does it take to change a light bulb?
A) One for all the world.  He holds the bulb, and the world just naturally revolves around him.

Back to trumpets:

Q) What do you call a lead trumpet man with half a brain?
A) Gifted

Q) What would a trumpet player do if he won the BIG lottery?
A) Keep playing gigs until the money runs out.

Q) What do trumpet players use for birth control?
A) Their personality.  Works every time...unless he meets a nice girl trumpet player. (Refer back to the half a brain joke).

OK, this is the last one!  A harpman/woman was standing staring down the hole in the outhouse when his/her friend came up and asked what he/she was doing.  "I just dropped fifty cents down that hole!"  Then he/she took out a fifty dollar bill and let it slip down into the abyss.  "What in the world did you do that for?!"  The reply came thoughtfully, "You didn't think I wuz gonna climb down there for 50 cents, did ya?"

[Joseph]

Mwuahahaha!

Way funny cool, BB!

Mama and son, hilarious!!

Too, for myself and with your kind permission - just a little creative editing:

Q) What do (fill in the blank) players use for birth control?

A) Their personality!

Rock on, yo!

[jemmyliaw]

I like the last one better!

[thebugleboy]

OK,
Q) What's the range of a good trumpet player?
A) Depends on how strong you are, and how mad you are at him.  You can throw just he horn a lot farther than the trumpet player.

Q) What's the difference in an F16 jet fighter whith afterburners on and a trumpet player?
A) Just a few decibels.  And the F16 doesn't go out of meter as much.  Has better intonation on the high notes.  Doesn't dribble spit out the end.

Q) How many trumpet joke tellers does it take to pave a driveway?
A) Eight if you lay them out right and you have a very short driveway.

Sorry, I still think like a brass man.

I saw a man sitting in the park playing some really soulful blues on a harp, crying his eyes out.
I asked him what was wrong.  He said it was twenty years ago today when his wife's (then girlfriend's) father caught them in a compromising position.  The old man told him he could marry the daughter or he'd see that the young man spent a good deal of his life in prison.
I told him, "I guess you made the right decision and are happily married, and that's why the beautiful music."
"Heck no.  I'm playing the blues because today would have been my release date from prison."